Week 9, Post 3: Assert and Affirm Yourself

One part of the chapter I found particularly valuable is the idea that in order to maintain positive relationships, you can not only confirm others, but you also have to affirm yourself. The book discusses this concept by stating that it is essential that you assert your own opinion of a matter to others.  If you don’t it is impossible for others to confirm your opinion and perspective. 

When I was younger, I felt it very awkward and scary to assert myself in a conversation. I had little self confidence and did not believe that my knowledge or experience would matter to someone who had more experience than me. As I got older, I began to find more value in myself and express myself more often. I now have much more self confidence. Something that I try to teach my martial arts students daily.

-Jossshhuaa

Week 9, Post 2: Disconfirming and Defensive

I don’t find myself in situations that really make me extremely defensive or participating in disconfirming communication. When I typically disagree with someone, it is normally with someone who I am close with and feel confortable clashing ideas with.

One conversation that I remember recently happened a few days ago. I was talking to one of my friends about her belief in Zodiac signs. She didn’t firmly believed in it, but felt it had some legitimacy about how people acted. We bickered lightly back and forth for a few minutes. I told her how there is no way one’s personality could be determined by one’s birthday. We both seemed very certain in our beliefs. I did not want to change my opinion about zodiac signs and neither did she. Eventually, we changed the subject as she said, “well you have your opinion and I have mine”.  With that we moved on.

-Jossshhuaa

Week 9, Post 1: Confirming

 I found this theory of communication very useful. All of our interactions have some aspect of recognition, acknowledgement and endorsement. Its impossible to respond or not to respond to someone without confirming or disconfirming them.

Personally, I find it easy to confirm with people most of the time. At work and at school, I don’t typically deal with personal issues or issues that I feel strongly about. In most situations, I can confirm with them, and continue on with a happy and healthy conversation. Other times, when I have a strong opinion about an issue, I forget to confirm with others and begin to disconfirm with them. This chapter has brought disconfirmation to my attention and I will definitely be more mindful of the way I respond to others.

Lastly I find it difficult to distinguish between confirming with people and their ideas. Many times people are connected to their ideas so it sort of goes hand in hand. Separating the two is challenging and I don’t understand it clearly. Maybe you guys can clear this concept up for me.

Thanks!

-Jossshhuaa

Week7, Post 3: Other Obstacles in Expressing Emotions

I found this section of chapter seven particularly interesting because I believe everyone in our society could relate to it. Society sets these rules and norms for genders specifically on describing what extent males and females can display gender. Males are expected to be stoic and stern. Any display of emotion is seen as a weakness and does not qualify them as a “real man”. On the other hand, women are given the okay, and are even encouraged to express their emotions.

Additionally, our social and professional roles also limit our abilities to express emotion.  My job as a martial arts instructor fits this concept perfectly.  As a role model to my students, I have to constantly remained composed.  Anything that happens in my life has to be separated from my teaching. I do my best not to let any external factors effect me for this reason. My students have certain expectations for me.  As a result, I have to meet them in order to maintain their respect.

Do you have any obstacles that stop you from expressing emotion?

-Jossshhuaa

Week 7, Post 2: Fallacies

Fallacies are important concepts to remember and be mindful of in any form of communication. The two emotional fallacies I find myself participating in is perfectionism and taking responsibility for others.  I constantly strive to push myself to be the best possible at anything I do. Even if I succeed in my task or goal its still never enough for me. I know I could succeed even better, and still find a lot more room for improvement. 

Because of this mentality of perfection I have for myself, I consistently take the blame off of others and put it on myself. In my mind everything I’m evolved with I can impact. As the head manager at a martial arts school, I often blame my staff’s mistakes as my mistakes. I always feel like I could have better prepared them for their job or taught them how to deal with certain circumstances better. This fallacy just feeds my perfectionism mindset.

I know that having high standards are great to have, but I also realize that being satisfied and content with success in any sense should be acknowledged and rewarded. I’ve decided that I’m going to consciously step back at times and appreciate the work I have done and the work my team has done. By doing this, I will eliminate the need to blame myself, and accept and appreciate other’s hard work as well.

-Jossshhuaa

Week 7, Post 1: Interactive View of Emotion

 The text describes several views of emotion, all of which hold some truth to them.  The view of emotion that I best identify with is the interactive view of emotion. The interactive view of emotion describes a process where our understanding of rules and norms shape our way of expressing emotion. In this view, emotion is expressed in three different parts, framing rules, feeling rules, and emotion work. The first two elements focus on the foundations of emotion and our understanding of society’s norms. Emotion work describes the psychological work people put in to feel a certain way.

Emotional work is something I do constantly.  I’ve found myself to be an overall optimistic person.  However, it takes a lot of work to look over all the bad things that happen in life, and see the good in it. I’ve always known that I’ve consciously made myself happy, but I never understood a term to describe it. This concept better explains my idea of emotions, because emotions and attitude is a choice. Other concepts of emotion express an external influence to emotions. I deeply believe the only thing that can affect me is me. Maybe I’m just stubborn like that. J

-Jossshhuaa